Help
Thank you for calling the suicide help line. We’re here to help. Don’t worry. Don’t make any rash decisions.
For help in Rastafarian, press 1.
For Latin, press 2.
For Japanese, press 3.
For Bhojpuri, press 4.
For Hungarian, press 5.
For Mandarin, press 6.
For Arabic, press 7.
For Bolivian, press 8.
For Afrikaans, press 9.
For in English, press 10.
BEEP
Thank you for your selection.
For suicide related to domestic issues, press 1.
For suicide related to external issues, press 2.
For suicide related to financial problems, press 3.
For suicide related to health, press 4.
For suicide related to parental issues, press 5.
For suicide related to spousal issues, press 6.
For suicide related to work, press 7.
For suicide related to sexual problems, press 8.
For suicide related to love (or the lack of it), press 9.
For just a random suicide, press 10.
BEEP
Thank you for your selection.
If you’ve attempted suicide before, press 1 for once.
Press 2 for twice.
Press 3 for thrice.
Press 4 for more than thrice.
Press 5 if you have never attempted suicide before.
BEEP
Thank you for your selection.
If you’ve contemplated suicide, but never went through with it, press 1 for yes.
Press 2 for No.
BEEP
Thank you for your selection.
To speak to a male counselor, press 1.
To speak to a female counselor, press 2.
BEEP
Thank you for your selection.
To speak to a counselor between the age range of 21-25, press 1.
To speak to a counselor between the age range of 26-30, press 2.
To speak to a counselor between the age range of 31-35, press 3.
To speak to a counselor between the age range of 36-40, press 4.
To speak to a counselor between the age range of 41-45, press 5.
BEEP
Thank you for your selection.
Please wait while we transfer your call to a counselor…
…
…
…
…
We’re sorry. None of our counselors are available right now. Please call again later, during normal business hours. Thank you for calling the Suicide Helpline. We hope we have been able to resolve your problems. Good bye.
“BANG!”